Today's the day guys.
I plan on downing a bunch of GABA pills, tying my hands to my bed and asphyxiating myself around midnight.
I want to give everyone in my group a big thanks and a huge FUCK YOU! to
for claiming that I didn't have depression issues and that I was just cheating her out of money. Another FUCK YOU! to my whole entire family and school, except my friend, and once crush, Kayla, and our mutual friend, Brittany. Thank you to the guy I love but will never be with because he's straight, but he's till a really nice friend and ex-band member, Tony.
It really bugs me that no one wants me to die, but this is my choice, and I finally got the courage to make myself happy. I mean, who knows what's on the other side?
Fuck my parents for marrying each other even though they hated each other and my dad raped my mom, for saying i'm the nuisance of their lives, for not being there when I came out of the closet, for treating me like shit, and making me fear my life. If there is a Hell, according to the Christians, I'll be down there with the murderers and rapists. According to the mental hospital, I fit right in with the murderers. Rapists? I'd better get used to it.
I'm pretty excited. I've been pretty arrogant today, as every time my mother throws a horrible comment out to me, I think "I finally get out of here tonight..."
If there's a heaven, I'm sure I won't be in it, but in the case that I am, I hope I'll have a countless amount of fresh McDonald's french fries, a guy's body, and all the classical and opera music I can get. Maybe I'll meet Mozart...
If I am turned into energy, watching the earth light years away from space, I'd be happy being a part of the sky.
I wish I could have met Coldplay, Green Day, Dashie, Tpindell or any of those guys, but I guess that's not going to happen. Me being a guy at mind in a girl's body is just way too much for some people.
I can't believe I lost my job. The best job in the world. I would have done it for free if ti weren't for my mom telling me that she was going to make sure I never worked again.
Being 16 and wanting to kill myself isn't what I expected, but I can picture it now.....